"I let go to transformation.

I let loose, flying off into death, birth, void, full...

I am one with the beloved again.

She died laughing.

She died in ecstasy.

She died with her eyes wide open."

Thursday, September 1, 2011

My New Life

I realize this blog is more like a personal journal for me, and therefore important to keep up, regardless of who's reading.

On December 7, 2010 I gave birth at home, unassisted on my bed, to a wondrous little boy. His father caught him. I was the first to touch him. I touched his head as he crowned and John had his hands ready when he splooshed out! (Like the visual??)

I am writing this almost 9 months since it happened, because we all know what babies do. Distract!

Wolfgang Catch Billingsley was between 9.5 and 10 pounds, 21 inches long, super healthy and adorable. Here's a picture!

Since that a lot has happened! He was exclusively breastfed until 7 months old, when his very first food was organic avocado. Next was organic banana and then yam, pear, etc... He eats one little meal a day (sometimes we skip a day), and nurses the rest of the time. He's a very happy nurser! He lets me know how much solid food he needs.

He has 8 teeth now and weighs 18 pounds. He crawls like a champ and his favorite activity is walking around the living room table. Sometimes he lets go and tries to take a step on his own. It's so cute.

He has been co-sleeping since day one and none of us can imagine it any other way. We will let him self-wean, and he will continue to co-sleep until he wants his own bed. Our door will always be open to him (except those times when it's...closed...)

Here are a couple pictures:

Well, Wolfie wants to nurse so I have to wrap this up now. My new life as a mom is a dream come true!

Friday, December 3, 2010

You Know You're Past Your Due Date When...

These are all according to my personal experience, but maybe some of you out there can relate to a few...

1. Doing the dishes feels like an accomplishment.

2. You're amazed that you went an hour in the mall without needing a rest.

3. You look to see the thing that just jutted out of the wall and hit your stomach, only to realize you're the thing jutting into walls.

4. Getting a back rub is equal to or better than sex. Good sex.

5. The thought crosses your mind at least once a day that this might not be a baby, but actually a tumor, and you have to remind yourself not to take the idea seriously.

6. The baby items you've collected need to be dusted or shaken out more than twice before the baby gets there.

7. The birth pool begins to deflate on its own more than twice before the baby gets there.

8. Instead of "hello" the greeting you become accustomed to is, "Wow. Look at you."

9. Almost every person you know has given their advice on how to bring on labor, whether you've asked for it or not.

10. You stop referring to when the baby comes, and start saying if.

Monday, October 4, 2010

The Goddess Coming Out In Me

While I expected my belly to grow when I discovered I was pregnant, I didn't really consider that my butt would too...

It began to GROW even before I had put on any weight. I assume the weight was shifting around???(Lovely thought, I know)

Just today I glanced at myself in a mirror, and was once again awe-struck by my caboose. What the heck happened to it?? With my huge round stomach protruding from the front, and my huge squishy butt protruding from the back, my body is, well, the word that comes to mind is...expansive!

Oh well, I thought, at least John seems happy with it!

But then, just now, I saw an image of a fertility goddess. Her bulbous thighs and exaggerated backside reminded me of ME!

How sensual and voluptuous she looked, how fertile and whole and beautiful!

It really struck me. This image of fertility reminded me of my own body right now, and I realized I should be so proud!

So now I am :)

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Recent Goings-on

I have a few minutes so I figured I'd add an entry.

There really isn't much going on to speak of, but I guess I'll just highlight some of the non-events of our life.

1. We purchased a camcorder with money John had faithfully saved. He loves to take it everywhere. Even when we're watching TV he will film the screen and exclaim, "Look at that quality!"
He gets quite a thrill out of technology!
Some of his latest videos include a thirty second filming of our living room vent and how it moves the curtains, and us sitting in the drive-thru of in and out on a date night. (I had to tell him he couldn't film the screen during "Inception," it's illegal!) In the drive-thru he pointed the camera at some people across the street and said, "If they started brawling we could have it on camera!!"
I love John!

2.I'm on Week 3 of my Hypnobabies. I've decided to take two weeks to do week 3. Week 2 was great and gave me all the tools to get really healthy. I was trying to get all the important nutrients, but now I have a good in-depth explanation of exactly what my body needs and how to get it (and WHY). I've been really enjoying taking care of myself, and it seems that I almost intuitively know which foods are good. I research everything I eat and I find that I am instinctively drawn to foods that just happen to have exactly what my body and baby need.
Since becoming pregnant I almost feel like my body is just directing me along in my life, and all I have to do is listen to it. It's always right!
"Eat this, Rest now, Now get up and exercise, Go eat something, Now stop eating," etc.

I've never felt so "told what to do" by my body before. It's awesome, really.

3. We got the baby's crib all set up in his room, and now we just need to get some more decor, as well as a co-sleeper for our room until he's older. The crib looks great. I am really happy with the choice we made. It's sturdy and will turn into a bed when we need it. We'll say, "Crib, become a bed!" and snap our fingers. Isn't that awesome?

We have a growing drawer of baby clothes and other things for him. We also have a high-chair, which we bought long before we even thought we could be pregnant. I just saw it and loved it so much, so we got it! For now it's pretty extra-counter space in the kitchen for drying dishes on, haha. (No dishwasher = *pout*)

4. When I got pregnant we signed up for WIC, to help out with our list of groceries. Despite the hassle at the check-out and finding the right labels and size etc. it's pretty useful.
I was really happy to discover that even a government program like that promotes breastfeeding! They could just give out formula to everyone, but instead they encourage the belief that "breast is best" (which is a sadly and surprisingly unknown and/or unbelieved fact).
We've had two appointments there now and they literally sighed relief when we told them I am determined to breastfeed no matter what, and past infancy at that.
On the second visit they were dealing with a mother who chose not to breastfeed and the hassle of finding the right formula for her, apparently took more than an hour. The woman said to me, "If they would just breastfeed!"
When I knew all about nipple confusion, pumping, baby's stages, etc. She enthusiastically told me, "Wow, you've done your research!"

I feel that I chose to be a mother so that I could BE A MOTHER. I refuse to be ignorant, and I refuse to prioritize anything over my child. That's just me.

What's really awesome is that WIC provides pumps! I had been thinking about when to get a pump, etc. and they provide you with a brand new one. That alone makes WIC worth it to me!

5. John didn't get the raise he was hoping for, despite being the best newby at the place, and my hours got cut back. Ahhh!!!

6. We've re-arranged our bedroom in preparation for Wolfgang, which is truly the most fascinating piece of news I've got LOL

Sunday, August 1, 2010

I Have a Baby Inside Me!

I am 6 months pregnant today! (that picture was taken two weeks ago)

We can't believe it!

They say based on his age he should be just over a pound. When I went in for a prenatal check-up I was surprised that I had gained exactly one pound, until I realized that's what the baby weighs and so it makes perfect sense!

He is very alive in there, and loves to make it known! These days he is moving more than he is still, and sometimes it feels like he's trying to get out! (Not out THAT way lol thank goodness)

John was finally able to feel his kicks from the outside. He had been so jealous that I could feel him kicking and he couldn't, but now he can not only feel it, but SEE it as well.
We just bought a camcorder and have started filming my stomach as Wolfgang (baby's name) bounces around.

When John gets home from work he starts spazzing out! He must like hearing his daddy's voice :)