What Is God?

Nursing Etiquette.wmv

The Goddess Coming Out In Me

While I expected my belly to grow when I discovered I was pregnant, I didn't really consider that my butt would too...

It began to GROW even before I had put on any weight. I assume the weight was shifting around???(Lovely thought, I know)

Just today I glanced at myself in a mirror, and was once again awe-struck by my caboose. What the heck happened to it?? With my huge round stomach protruding from the front, and my huge squishy butt protruding from the back, my body is, well, the word that comes to mind is...expansive!

Oh well, I thought, at least John seems happy with it!

But then, just now, I saw an image of a fertility goddess. Her bulbous thighs and exaggerated backside reminded me of ME!

How sensual and voluptuous she looked, how fertile and whole and beautiful!

It really struck me. This image of fertility reminded me of my own body right now, and I realized I should be so proud!

So now I am :)

Recent Goings-on

I have a few minutes so I figured I'd add an entry.

There really isn't much going on to speak of, but I guess I'll just highlight some of the non-events of our life.

1. We purchased a camcorder with money John had faithfully saved. He loves to take it everywhere. Even when we're watching TV he will film the screen and exclaim, "Look at that quality!"
He gets quite a thrill out of technology!
Some of his latest videos include a thirty second filming of our living room vent and how it moves the curtains, and us sitting in the drive-thru of in and out on a date night. (I had to tell him he couldn't film the screen during "Inception," it's illegal!) In the drive-thru he pointed the camera at some people across the street and said, "If they started brawling we could have it on camera!!"
I love John!


2.I'm on Week 3 of my Hypnobabies. I've decided to take two weeks to do week 3. Week 2 was great and gave me all the tools to get really healthy. I was trying to get all the important nutrients, but now I have a good in-depth explanation of exactly what my body needs and how to get it (and WHY). I've been really enjoying taking care of myself, and it seems that I almost intuitively know which foods are good. I research everything I eat and I find that I am instinctively drawn to foods that just happen to have exactly what my body and baby need.
Since becoming pregnant I almost feel like my body is just directing me along in my life, and all I have to do is listen to it. It's always right!
"Eat this, Rest now, Now get up and exercise, Go eat something, Now stop eating," etc.

I've never felt so "told what to do" by my body before. It's awesome, really.



3. We got the baby's crib all set up in his room, and now we just need to get some more decor, as well as a co-sleeper for our room until he's older. The crib looks great. I am really happy with the choice we made. It's sturdy and will turn into a bed when we need it. We'll say, "Crib, become a bed!" and snap our fingers. Isn't that awesome?

We have a growing drawer of baby clothes and other things for him. We also have a high-chair, which we bought long before we even thought we could be pregnant. I just saw it and loved it so much, so we got it! For now it's pretty extra-counter space in the kitchen for drying dishes on, haha. (No dishwasher = *pout*)


4. When I got pregnant we signed up for WIC, to help out with our list of groceries. Despite the hassle at the check-out and finding the right labels and size etc. it's pretty useful.
I was really happy to discover that even a government program like that promotes breastfeeding! They could just give out formula to everyone, but instead they encourage the belief that "breast is best" (which is a sadly and surprisingly unknown and/or unbelieved fact).
We've had two appointments there now and they literally sighed relief when we told them I am determined to breastfeed no matter what, and past infancy at that.
On the second visit they were dealing with a mother who chose not to breastfeed and the hassle of finding the right formula for her, apparently took more than an hour. The woman said to me, "If they would just breastfeed!"
When I knew all about nipple confusion, pumping, baby's stages, etc. She enthusiastically told me, "Wow, you've done your research!"

I feel that I chose to be a mother so that I could BE A MOTHER. I refuse to be ignorant, and I refuse to prioritize anything over my child. That's just me.

What's really awesome is that WIC provides pumps! I had been thinking about when to get a pump, etc. and they provide you with a brand new one. That alone makes WIC worth it to me!


5. John didn't get the raise he was hoping for, despite being the best newby at the place, and my hours got cut back. Ahhh!!!


6. We've re-arranged our bedroom in preparation for Wolfgang, which is truly the most fascinating piece of news I've got LOL

I Have a Baby Inside Me!

I am 6 months pregnant today! (that picture was taken two weeks ago)

We can't believe it!

They say based on his age he should be just over a pound. When I went in for a prenatal check-up I was surprised that I had gained exactly one pound, until I realized that's what the baby weighs and so it makes perfect sense!

He is very alive in there, and loves to make it known! These days he is moving more than he is still, and sometimes it feels like he's trying to get out! (Not out THAT way lol thank goodness)

John was finally able to feel his kicks from the outside. He had been so jealous that I could feel him kicking and he couldn't, but now he can not only feel it, but SEE it as well.
We just bought a camcorder and have started filming my stomach as Wolfgang (baby's name) bounces around.

When John gets home from work he starts spazzing out! He must like hearing his daddy's voice :)

Atheist?

In America, in this century, atheism is a touchy subject. It's a word that, as straight-forward as it seems,is also very misunderstood.
Being that this blog will be circulating among people who do believe in a God whole-heartedly, I thought it made sense to address my (probably surprising and confusing) lack of belief.
I won't get into it in depth. I just want to make a simple outline to explain myself clearly.


What being an atheist does NOT mean for me:

I don't believe in Jesus or Heavenly Father, but worship other deities.

I am angry at god.

I believe god is responsible for unhappiness and is therefore not worthy of being believed in.

I worship Satan, or some enemy of god.

I was so deeply offended by something in religion that I can't bring myself to believe its doctrine.

I was secretly hoping there was no god so that I could live the lifestyle I wanted, and therefore sought to destroy my faith through anti-religious literature.

I have never believed I had a close relationship with god.

I never felt I really knew if god was real, or religion was true.

I always disliked religion and was bored in church, feeling it was not true, and not right for me.

Ex or Anti-Mormons or anti-Mormon propoganda influenced me and began my path away from the church.


What being an atheist does mean for me:

I do not believe that there is a deity that created the universe.

I believe that the bible and all other sacred texts are and were written by men without divine inspiration.

I do not know for sure how the universe began, and I don't pretend to. Anything we don't understand can be attempted to be understood through the scientific method.

I came to the conclusion through reasoning and logic.

I feel that belief in the supernatural does some good for people, and also does much bad.

I don't believe that I know 100% that there is no supernatural deity out there somewhere, but I don't believe there is, and if there was, I am convinced it could not be a benevolent creator.

I loved god and church and wanted to do what was right. I felt that there was nothing wrong in learning more about my religion and god because it was unavoidably true, and thus I discovered cracks in the foundation of belief.

As I grew up and became more knowledgeable and better at reasoning, I began to witness the world as it really is, and saw the inconsistencies between religious ideology and reality.

This is a great video where a man much smarter and more eloquent than me explains exactly what lack of belief means:



Quote from the video: "To the degree that we can know anything I think it is pretty close to knowledge, at least for me." (That there is no god)

The First Ultrasound

My twelve week appointment was scheduled the same day my aunt Jan was coming into town for the wedding.

I went to the Birth Center in hopes that I would hear the baby's heartbeat with the doppler. When the midwife didn't hear it she immediately called in for an ultrasound to ease my mind. I was very edgy in those first couple months and she knew I wouldn't be able to wait another four weeks.

Despite my dislike of technology, it was almost essential to my sanity at that point to see with my own eyes that my baby was okay.

I have had moments of being a completely insane pregnant woman and that was one of those days. I cried and thought the worst thoughts.

Three hours later my mom and I sat in the waiting room of obstetrix. John had to work and didn't get to see the very first ultrasound. My mom came with me for support, which I very much needed.

After an hour's wait I told my mom I wanted to go in alone. The tech was a man but was very nice and respectful. His vibe was good so I overlooked the fact that he was male :)
(It's a personal thing, I won't let men other than John have anything to do with my pregnancy or birth)

I stared at the large screen in front of me, unsure of what I was seeing until he said, "There's your baby."

If I wasn't in such total shock I would have cried. I cry looking back. In the moment I was intentionally numbing myself out in case something was wrong.
He said the baby looked great for 12 weeks and he asked if I wanted my mom to come in then. I nodded that it was okay.

She came in and the baby made a little kick / squirm and we listened to its heartbeat.
I suddenly referred to it as a "he" and my mom was like, "Why did you just say HE!?"

I wanted a girl SO bad, but I couldn't help it. It looked like a boy!
We got baby's first picture and took it to show Jan who had just arrived.

The baby's position looked uncomfortable, since he was sort of standing on his head with his feet in the air, but as long as he was happy lol.

John took the picture to work and put it up. Everyone there commented that it looked like a boy too. And, at 16 weeks we found out that yes, he is ALL boy!